More quotes from The Simpsons: Eating with the Simpsons | Simpsons Eating Hot Dogs | Snacking with the Simpsons | Drinking with the Simpsons | Eating Out with the Simpsons | Simpsons Eating Candy | Cooking with the Simpsons | Meat the Simpsons | Breakfast with the Simpsons
Monty Burns: Ah, lunchtime! Well, let's see what I've packed for myself today. One bullion cube ... one Concord grape ... one Philly cheesesteak ... and a jar of garlic pickles!
[Homer goes shopping for Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger]
Homer Simpson: Apu. I'm about to purchase some weird and fruity items, and I don't want any guff. First of all, I'll need the following mushrooms: portobello, porcini, chantrell and shittake.
Apu: OK, we have none of those. What is next?
Homer Simpson: A gallon of wheat grass juice, a 5 pound wad of tofu, some jellied zinc and a couple of pairs of $600 sunglasses.
Homer Simpson: All that seizing made me hungry!
Lisa: Me too. Let's go to an authentic Japanese noodle house.
Homer Simpson: The toilet recommended a place called Americantown.
Lisa: Dad, we didn't come halfway around the world to eat at Americatown.
Marge: I'd like to see the Japanese take on the club sandwich. I bet it's smaller and more efficient.
Trent Steele: Ooh, hey, my one o'clock canceled. Have you had any lunch?
Homer Simpson: Yeah, but I usually have three or four.
Trent Steele: So where to eat? You like Thai?
Homer Simpson: Tie good. You like shirt?
Marge: Putting away groceries it's like unwrapping presents from yourself. Fruit roll-ups for Bart. Beer roll-ups for Homer.
Homer Simpson: Stonecutters, eh? How down I join?
Lenny: There are only two ways to gain membership. Be the son of a Stonecutter. Or save the life of a Stonecutter.
[Homer grabs an egg salad sandwich out of Lenny's hand, throws it on the ground and stomps on it.]
Homer Simpson: I saved your life. That egg sandwich could'a killed you by cholesterol.
Lenny: Pfft. Forget it Homer. While it has been established that eggs contain cholesterol, it has not yet been proven conclusively that they actually raise the level of serum cholesterol in the human bloodstream.
Homer Simpson: So one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?
Homer Simpson: Well, I'll get a lawyer on that. No, a whole team of lawyers, who will dine on mustard flown in from the Orient.
Marge: No more Oriental mustard!
Marge: I'm so sick of that story about finding an onion ring in your french fries! That was 20 years ago!
Homer Simpson: That was my Woodstock!
Homer Simpson: I believe you owe me half a sandwich.
[Marge pulls a sandwich out of the night stand and hands it to Homer.]
Marge: I always keep one near the bed for you.
Lisa: Oh, man! Now he even mooches our lunches.
[Note from Gil in lunch bag says, "Thanks for the bologna."]
Bart: All he left me with are these used nicotine patches.
Nelson: Gimme your lunch Dingus! Oh, mini quesadillas! Zesty!
[Nelson passes out.]
[Lisa, disguised as Jake Boyman, accidentally walks into Nelson's lunch tray, knocking his food all over his shirt.]
Nelson: That was my eating food!
Lisa: Dad, we have to do something! All the bees are dying!
Homer Simpson: Oh no! No bees? Ooh, now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwiches?
Ralph Wiggum: All hail the queen!
Seymour Skinner: Now as queen, you shall entitled to eat the same French fries the teachers do.
Lisa: The ones made from potatoes?
Seymour Skinner: The very same.
Lisa: Eeeick! There's a AAA battery in my macaroni and cheese.
Lunchlady Doris: It counts as a vegetable.
Bart: Oh my god! My dad had a long talk with me about this. But you can't believe it till you see it.
[Willie unloads boxes of Grade D Frozen Pizza.]
Milhouse: The cafeteria loading dock!
Bart: Look, we're having pizza tomorrow.
Milhouse: I'm gonna eat a lighter breakfast.
Chief Wiggum: Well, well, well. The community service detail. You people make me sick! Hey, what you packin' Simpson?
Homer Simpson: Just my lunch. Chicken parm. Meatball parm. Eggplant parm. Shishkeparm. Angelfood parm. Moo goo gai parm. My wife can parm anything.
Chief Wiggum: My wife only parms on my birthday, and that's only if I give her the sad puppy dog look.
Bart imposter: Why are these noodles orange?
Marge: I made it with Cheetos, just like you like it. If the sauce is too thick, I can add more root beer.
Lunchlady Doris: Kids, you've been staring at these gelatin desserts for 15 minutes. Pick 1!
Milhouse: It's so hard to decide! Is the yellow one lemon or pineapple?
Lunchlady Doris: It's your pet canary. Now scram!
Edna Krabappel: Thank you for lunch, Ned.
Ned Flanders: Well, thank you for taking me to that Pinkberry place. It's a lot less racy than its name will lead you to believe. Crossing it off my do-not-go list.
[Other items on the list are In-N-Out Burger, Jiffy Lube, Yamaha Organs and Fanny Farmer.]
Booth Wilkes John: Now let me try some of Ned Flanders' No Alarm Chili.
Ned Flanders: You'll only taste the spoon!
[Homer enters Plumpy's Sandwich Shop]
squeaky-voiced teen: Mr. Simpson, we're naming a sandwich after you!
Homer Simpson: My lifelong dream had come true! I've got this all planned. Start with a full Reuben, all the fixins, put a club sandwich on top. The bottom bun is — at first glance — a chicken-fried steak, but it's worth a closer look because —
squeaky-voiced teen: Sir, sir, we've already made it!
Homer Simpson: The Open-Mouthed Turkey Goofball. That is so not me. But I'll take six.