More quotes from The Simpsons: Eating with the Simpsons | Snacking with the Simpsons | Drinking with the Simpsons | Lunch with the Simpsons | Eating Out with the Simpsons | Simpsons Eating Candy | Cooking with the Simpsons | Meat the Simpsons | Breakfast with the Simpsons
Homer Simpson: Yo Apu, give me the usual.
Apu: Yes, sir. One Kwik-E-Dog, one bubble gum cigar and the latest issue of Success magazine.
Homer Simpson: Mmmm. Hey, this hot dog tastes different.
Apu: Yes, I just cleaned out the machine sir, so the snack you are enjoying has not been soaking in its putrid grease.
Homer Simpson: Yeah ... but without all the grease all you can taste is the hog anus.
squeaky-voiced teen: I'm sorry sir, your car's still blocked in.
Homer Simpson: Well, I guess Flanders doesn't have all the luck.
squeaky-voiced teen: So we'll let you drive home in the Weinermobile.
Ned Flanders: Well, hot dog! That cuts the mustard with me.
Homer Simpson: Oh, it's not fair. I always wanted to drive a food-shaped car.
Ned Flanders: Heh-heh-heh. The steering wheel is a giant onion ring!
Apu: Now, these hot dogs have been here for three years. They are strictly ornamental. There is only one bozo who comes in and buys them.
Homer Simpson: But I eat ... oh.
[Skinner exits the school after barricading himself in with Krabappel and Bart.]
Seymour Skinner: I have a bomb.
Chief Wiggum: Wait a minute. Those aren't bombs. They're hot dogs. Armour hot dogs.
Superintendent Chalmers: What kind of man wears Armour hot dogs?
Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
Bart: Uh huh.
Hot dog vendor: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me.
[The vendor hesitates and puts a whole batch of what appears to be lettuce on top.]
H. K. Duff VIII: Well, Homer, your hunger strike lasted 12 amazing days.
Homer Simpson: Me so hungy.
H. K. Duff VIII: Of course you are, Hungry Hungry Homer. Why not break your fast with our brand-new Isotope Dog Supreme?
[Homer sniffs the hot dog.]
Homer Simpson: Oh, so hard to resist. Mesquite-grilled onions. Jalapeño relish. ... Wait a minute, those are Southwestern ingredients. ... Mango-lime salsa? That's the kind of bold flavor they enjoy in ... Albuquerque!
Lenny: He's right.
Moe: Yeah ... and the wrapper says "Albuquerque Isotopes"!
Homer Simpson: Kids, I've only had three great ideas: marrying your mother, using a hot dog has a straw, and this romantic train ride anniversary.
Homer Simpson: I'm Sorry Apu. I thought you were living your dream life, so naturally I wanted to ruin it. Now I know things stink, so I'm OK with it.
Apu: Oh, what is the point? I'm trapped like a Kwik-E-Mart hot dog on roller.
Homer Simpson: Kwik-E-Mart hot dog, eh?
Sanjay: You want every hot dog in the store? Every one? OK.
[Sanjay grabs all of the dogs from the hot dog grill, one from the bun in Comic Book Guy's hand, one out of the mop bucket and one being used as a toilet paper roll holder, then delivers them on a cart to the band Sungazer.]
Sungazer band members (except Apu): Yeah!
Concert announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Tucks Medicated Pads presents Sungazer!
Apu: People, I'm sorry to report that all the original members of the band have been struck down by a mysterious case of hot dog poisoning.
[In a flashback, Bart, Lisa and Marge get kicked out of the library.]
Bart: So that's why we started going to story time at the Kwlk-E-Mart!
Lisa: Remember when Apu let Dad have the expired hot dogs?
Homer Simpson: Just once! And I'm still taking medication for it.
[Chief Wiggum and Officer Lou are grilling hot dogs on the back of a patrol car.]
Chief Wiggum: You know you can season these things with pepper spray, don'tcha?
[Wiggum sprays up into his face instead of down onto the hot dogs.]
Chief Wiggum: Ahhhh! Ahhhh, I need water in my eyes.
[Grabs a bottle of hot sauce as spills some into his eyes.]
Chief Wiggum: Ahhhh! Ahhhhh! AHHHHHH!