Eating with the Simpsons

More quotes from The Simpsons: Simpsons Eating Hot Dogs | Snacking with Simpsons | Drinking with the Simpsons | Lunch with the Simpsons | Eating Out with the Simpsons | Simpsons Eating Candy | Cooking with the Simpsons | Meat the Simpsons | Breakfast with the Simpsons

Lisa: "Come to Homer's BBBQ, the extra 'B' is for BYOBB"
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer Simpson: That's a typo.

Carl: This candy is subpar. Any religion that embraces carob is not for Carl Carlson.

Herb Powell: While you're here, I want you to make yourselves right at home. Any time you're hungry, any time day or night, cook will make you anything you want.
Homer Simpson: Even pork chops?
Herb Powell: Absolutely. We have a tennis court, a swimming pool, a screening room...
Homer Simpson: If I want pork chops any time in the middle of the night, your guy will fry them up?
Herb Powell: Sure, that's what he's paid for. Now, if you need towels, laundry, maids ...
Homer Simpson: Wait, wait, wait. Lemme see if I got this straight. It's Christmas Day, 4 a.m., there's a rumble in my stomach ...

Homer Simpson: I am going on a diet. From this day forward, I pledge there will be no pork chop too succulent! No donut too tasty! No pizza too laden with delicious toppings to prevent me from reaching my scientifically-determined ideal weight! As God as my witness, I'll always be hungry again!

Homer Simpson: Donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer Simpson: This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.

Marge: Mmmm, all this food is so frou-frou! Wooo! Faberge egg salad!
Cletus: Look Brandene, it's Wolfgang Puck! Mr. Puck, you make the only grub what satisfies my gut worm. I swear.
Wolfgang Puck: Try my Rice Krispies squares. They are wasabi-infused with a portabello glaze. And you can buy them at the airport.
Marge: I make mine with M&M's.
Wolfgang Puck: With M&M's? Now that's what I call fusion! I could sell them on the Interweb!
[Wolfgang kisses Marge]
Wolfgang Puck: To the Puckmobile!

Lionel Hutz: Well, we didn't win. Here's your pizza.
Marge: But we did win!
Lionel Hutz: That's okay, the box is empty!

Frank Grimes: Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factory! Fancy clothes and lobsters for dinner. And do you deserve any of it? No!

Homer Simpson: Check it out. I built myself a healthy apple.
Lisa: But you made it out of ham cubes.
Homer Simpson: Yup. A shiny new apple.

[Marge, Lisa, Bart and Maggie pig out at the kitchen table.]
Marge: There's still more meatloaf.
[Bart strokes his bloated stomach.]
Bart: Oh, that's impossible.
Marge: Come one, come one. We all have to pitch in and eat your father's share.
Lisa: Why don't you just cook less?
Marge: I don't do things that way, Lisa.

Bart: Full speed ahead! Damn the torpedoes!
Grampa Simpson: What'd he say, put on our tuxedos?
Crazy old man: I want some taquitos.
[Later, as the boat is sinking.]
Old woman: This is all Bart's fault!
Jasper: Let's get him!
Old woman: I blame him.
Jasper: He killed us all!
Crazy old man: I want some taquitos.

Chief Wiggum: Afternoon, Homer. Care for some chili? I've added an extra ingredient just for you.
[Dramatic pause.]
Chief Wiggum: The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.
Homer Simpson: Uh, Wiggy? My chili's getting cold.

Monty Burns: Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club — a sand wedge.
Homer Simpson: Mmmmm ... Open-faced club sandwich.

Homer Simpson: Awww ... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer Simpson: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer Simpson: Woo hoo!

Grampa Simpson: 3 wars back we called sauerkraut Liberty Cabbage. And we called Liberty Cabbage Super Slaw.

Shopkeeper: I must warn you the doll is cursed.
Homer Simpson: That's bad.
Homer Simpson: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer Simpson: That's good.
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer Simpson: That's bad!
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free choice of toppings!
Homer Simpson: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled.]
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer Simpson: Can I go now?

Nelson: The thing about huckleberries is, once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned.
[Principal Skinner walks up to the group of kids.]
Nelson: Nuh, um...uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass.
[Skinner nods and leaves.]
Nelson: Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner's sugar.

Ralph Wiggum: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Moe: Ahhhh, we're gonna die, and I never tasted cantaloupe.
Krusty: Eh, you ain't missin' much. Honeydew's the money melon!

Military school student: It was worth sneaking in to town. That was some good corn.

Homer Simpson: Pass ketchup.
[Bart uses his knife like a hockey stick to shoot the ketchup bottle to Homer, but Lisa catches it.]
Lisa: You'll have to do better than that tonight, chump.
[Bart shoots a mustard jar past Lisa, and Homer catches it.]
Homer Simpson: I asked for ketchup! I'm eatin' salad here.

Bart: Hey Dad, why don't we try the Sprawl-Mart?
Homer Simpson: Yeah, I love Sprawl-Mart. They've got everything. Even Christian videos with talking vegetables.
Pickle: Mighty Yamses, we are weary of building your food pyramid. Let my pickles go!
Homer Simpson: Mmmmm Moses.

Adult ed guy: What is your area of expertise?
Homer Simpson: Well, I can tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Adult ed guy: No, you can't, Mr. Simpson. No one can!

Homer Simpson: Kids, your mom is with another man and I need you to help me find out who he is. Hmm, is this really something I should show you kids?
Lisa: It's OK, we're not really your kids. We're just representations of them that you created in your mind.
Homer Simpson: Really? If I created all this, that means I can have pizza anytime I want. Hello, I'd like to order a pizza. 35 minutes? [click!]

Homer Simpson: Maybe you could come over again. I'll cook you my special microwave burritos. I stop the oven when the middle is still a little bit frozen.
Marge: You know what a girl likes, Mister.

Lisa: And that is why hybrid car buyers should be given rebates paid for by taxes on hamburgers.

Homer Simpson: The deed is done.
Seymour Skinner: Oh, I wish you'd asked me before you —
Homer Simpson: Look, you kill 'em, I get rid of 'em. That's always been our deal. I do have one question: Do you want the head?
Seymour Skinner: No, no. God no.
Homer Simpson: Well, if you change your mind, it'll be in my freezer. But only for a week. Got a lot of ice cream coming in.

Christmas play director: Enough, enough already. I'm so bored I'm ready to introduce myself to my two assistants here. You will be a non-speaking pharisee.
Ned Flanders: But-but-but ...
Christmas play director: Jesus didn't stammer. His voice hit the back of the theater. He was a God who turned water into wine and did not wear shoes.
Homer Simpson: Ooooh!
Christmas play director: He said simple things that many follow.
Homer Simpson: Just like me on Twitter!
[On Homer's smartphone: "Are you supposed to eat those stickers on apples? I'm guessing yes."]
Christmas play director: And he was tragically killed while still in his 30s.
Homer Simpson: D'oh!!!
Christmas play director: After ... an all-night dinner.
Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo! I'm your Jesus! Me!

Marge: This so-called educational DVD may have even stunted the development of the kids who watched it.
Lisa: Wait a minute, didn't Bart and I both watch this thing when we were little?
Marge: I'm afraid so.
Lisa: Well, the obvious question is, why did I turn out so academically superior, while Bart—
Marge: While Bart turned out so wonderful in his own way.
Bart: That's the way people talk about Ralph! Ralph, whose favorite color is peanut butter

Milhouse (disguised as Kirk): Now, I want you to eat a gallon of ice cream in under two minutes.
Homer Simpson: But I just did that!

Marge: Lisa, your food's getting cold.
Lisa: It's raw veggies, they're supposed to be cold.
Marge: Well, someone who loves you put melted butter on them! Thank you Mr. Bergstrom, I'll tell Lisa you stopped by.

Marge: I think it's time we learned to live with being ostracized.
Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmm ...
Maggie Simpson: Don't you dare say "ostrich pies"!

Lisa: Mom, how could you pay someone to be my friend?
Marge: I wouldn't say I paid someone to be your friend. I just gave her money for records and ice cream.
Homer Simpson: You gave away ice cream?!!

Bart: The truffle's in your room? I thought you'd been selling them.
Lisa: Bart, I haven't been selling the truffles. I've been eating them.
Bart: Really? Why?
Lisa: Vegetarian food is so boring. Pasta, soy. You know what's a bad pizza topping? Broccoli!

Ned Flanders: They've broken every commandment except one.
Carl: Hey Lenny, covet some chili fries?
Lenny: You bet.
Ned Flanders: That's it. The whole shebang.

Homer Simpson: If I don't have the remote, I can just get up and change the channel.
[Homer moans and gasps.]
Homer Simpson: Wait a minute. I'll do what Flanders does.
[Homer prays.]
Homer Simpson: O merciful god, who has blessed mankind with two kinds of clam chowder, please help me find the remote.

Homer Simpson: When you have ribeye steak, you must floss it! Oh, that meatloaf tasted great! You must floss it! Now, floss it! Floss it good!

[Lenny places a box of donuts on the coffee room counter at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.]
Homer Simpson: Mmmmmm .... doughnuts ...
[Homer wolfs down a whole box of doughnuts.]
Lenny: Hey Homer, slow down. You're gonna choke or something.
Homer Simpson: Don't tell me how to eat donuts!
[Homer violently chokes.]

Ralph Wiggum: The snowflake tastes like fish sticks.

Doug Blattner: I'm Doug Blattner, COO of the gaming and resorts devision of Stuffers Italian Foods.
Marge: My family loves your microwave lasagna.
Doug Blattner: It's not my division, but I'll tell Bill Kelley you said so.

[Homer walks up to a table at Springfield's Best and Seattle's Worst Coffee, where Candace is sitting with four of her friends.]
Homer Simpson: I'm going to get 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 scones. Do you guys want anything?

Homer Simpson: I never got a trophy when I was a kid, and I turned out just—
[Homer sucks down an entire tube of cookie dough.]

Homer Simpson: Lisa honey, are you OK? You barely touched your green disgustos.
Lisa: Some nights there isn't enough kale in the world to brighten a girl's mood.