Eating with the Simpsons

More quotes from The Simpsons: Simpsons Eating Hot Dogs | Snacking with Simpsons | Drinking with the Simpsons | Lunch with the Simpsons | Eating Out with the Simpsons | Simpsons Eating Candy | Cooking with the Simpsons | Meat the Simpsons | Breakfast with the Simpsons

Lisa: “ "Come to Homer's BBBQ, the extra 'B' is for BYOBB" ”
Bart: “What's that extra B for?”
Homer Simpson: “That's a typo.”

Carl: “This candy is subpar. Any religion that embraces carob is not for Carl Carlson.”

Herb Powell: “While you're here, I want you to make yourselves right at home. Any time you're hungry, any time day or night, cook will make you anything you want.”
Homer Simpson: “Even pork chops?”
Herb Powell: “Absolutely. We have a tennis court, a swimming pool, a screening room...”
Homer Simpson: “If I want pork chops any time in the middle of the night, your guy will fry them up?”
Herb Powell: “Sure, that's what he's paid for. Now, if you need towels, laundry, maids ...”
Homer Simpson: “Wait, wait, wait. Lemme see if I got this straight. It's Christmas Day, 4 a.m., there's a rumble in my stomach ...”

Homer Simpson: “I am going on a diet. From this day forward, I pledge there will be no pork chop too succulent! No donut too tasty! No pizza too laden with delicious toppings to prevent me from reaching my scientifically-determined ideal weight! As God as my witness, I'll always be hungry again!”

Homer Simpson: “Donut?”
Lisa: “No thanks. Do you have any fruit?”
Homer Simpson: “This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.”

Marge: “Mmmm, all this food is so frou-frou! Wooo! Faberge egg salad!”
Cletus: “Look Brandene, it's Wolfgang Puck! Mr. Puck, you make the only grub what satisfies my gut worm. I swear.”
Wolfgang Puck: “Try my Rice Krispies squares. They are wasabi-infused with a portabello glaze. And you can buy them at the airport.”
Marge: “I make mine with M&M's.”
Wolfgang Puck: “With M&M's? Now that's what I call fusion! I could sell them on the Interweb!”
[Wolfgang kisses Marge]
Wolfgang Puck: “To the Puckmobile!”

Lionel Hutz: “Well, we didn't win. Here's your pizza.”
Marge: “But we did win!”
Lionel Hutz: “That's okay, the box is empty!”

Frank Grimes: “Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factory! Fancy clothes and lobsters for dinner. And do you deserve any of it? No!”

Homer Simpson: “Check it out. I built myself a healthy apple.”
Lisa: “But you made it out of ham cubes.”
Homer Simpson: “Yup. A shiny new apple.”

[Marge, Lisa, Bart and Maggie pig out at the kitchen table.]
Marge: “There's still more meatloaf.”
[Bart strokes his bloated stomach.]
Bart: “Oh, that's impossible.”
Marge: “Come one, come one. We all have to pitch in and eat your father's share.”
Lisa: “Why don't you just cook less?”
Marge: “I don't do things that way, Lisa.”

Bart: “Full speed ahead! Damn the torpedoes!”
Grampa Simpson: “What'd he say, put on our tuxedos?”
Crazy old man: “I want some taquitos.”
[Later, as the boat is sinking.]
Old woman: “This is all Bart's fault!”
Jasper: “Let's get him!”
Old woman: “I blame him.”
Jasper: “He killed us all!”
Crazy old man: “I want some taquitos.”

Chief Wiggum: “Afternoon, Homer. Care for some chili? I've added an extra ingredient just for you.”
[Dramatic pause.]
Chief Wiggum: “The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.”
Homer Simpson: “Uh, Wiggy? My chili's getting cold.”

Monty Burns: “Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club — a sand wedge.”
Homer Simpson: “Mmmmm ... Open-faced club sandwich.”

Homer Simpson: “Awww ... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.”
Homer's brain: “20 dollars can buy many peanuts!”
Homer Simpson: “Explain how.”
Homer's brain: “Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
Homer Simpson: “Woo hoo!”

Grampa Simpson: “3 wars back we called sauerkraut Liberty Cabbage. And we called Liberty Cabbage Super Slaw.”

Shopkeeper: “I must warn you the doll is cursed.”
Homer Simpson: “That's bad.”
Homer Simpson: “But it comes with a free frogurt!”
Homer Simpson: “That's good.”
Shopkeeper: “The frogurt is also cursed.”
Homer Simpson: “That's bad!”
Shopkeeper: “But it comes with a free choice of toppings!”
Homer Simpson: “That's good!”
Shopkeeper: “The toppings contain sodium benzoate.”
[Homer looks puzzled.]
Shopkeeper: “That's bad.”
Homer Simpson: “Can I go now?”

Nelson: “The thing about huckleberries is, once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned.”
[Principal Skinner walks up to the group of kids.]
Nelson: “Nuh, um...uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass.”
[Skinner nods and leaves.]
Nelson: “Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner's sugar.”

Ralph Wiggum: “My cat's breath smells like cat food.”

Moe: “Ahhhh, we're gonna die, and I never tasted cantaloupe.”
Krusty: “Eh, you ain't missin' much. Honeydew's the money melon!”

Military school student: “It was worth sneaking in to town. That was some good corn.”

Homer Simpson: “Pass ketchup.”
[Bart uses his knife like a hockey stick to shoot the ketchup bottle to Homer, but Lisa catches it.]
Lisa: “You'll have to do better than that tonight, chump.”
[Bart shoots a mustard jar past Lisa, and Homer catches it.]
Homer Simpson: “I asked for ketchup! I'm eatin' salad here.”

Bart: “Hey Dad, why don't we try the Sprawl-Mart?”
Homer Simpson: “Yeah, I love Sprawl-Mart. They've got everything. Even Christian videos with talking vegetables.”
Pickle: “Mighty Yamses, we are weary of building your food pyramid. Let my pickles go!”
Homer Simpson: “Mmmmm Moses.”

Adult ed guy: “What is your area of expertise?”
Homer Simpson: “Well, I can tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.”
Adult ed guy: “No, you can't, Mr. Simpson. No one can!”

Homer Simpson: “Kids, your mom is with another man and I need you to help me find out who he is. Hmm, is this really something I should show you kids?”
Lisa: “It's OK, we're not really your kids. We're just representations of them that you created in your mind.”
Homer Simpson: “Really? If I created all this, that means I can have pizza anytime I want. Hello, I'd like to order a pizza. 35 minutes? [click!]”

Homer Simpson: “Maybe you could come over again. I'll cook you my special microwave burritos. I stop the oven when the middle is still a little bit frozen.”
Marge: “You know what a girl likes, Mister.”

Lisa: “And that is why hybrid car buyers should be given rebates paid for by taxes on hamburgers.”

Homer Simpson: “The deed is done.”
Seymour Skinner: “Oh, I wish you'd asked me before you —”
Homer Simpson: “Look, you kill 'em, I get rid of 'em. That's always been our deal. I do have one question: Do you want the head?”
Seymour Skinner: “No, no. God no.”
Homer Simpson: “Well, if you change your mind, it'll be in my freezer. But only for a week. Got a lot of ice cream coming in.”

Christmas play director: “Enough, enough already. I'm so bored I'm ready to introduce myself to my two assistants here. You will be a non-speaking pharisee.”
Ned Flanders: “But-but-but ...”
Christmas play director: “Jesus didn't stammer. His voice hit the back of the theater. He was a God who turned water into wine and did not wear shoes.”
Homer Simpson: “Ooooh!”
Christmas play director: “He said simple things that many follow.”
Homer Simpson: “Just like me on Twitter!”
[On Homer's smartphone: "Are you supposed to eat those stickers on apples? I'm guessing yes."]
Christmas play director: “And he was tragically killed while still in his 30s.”
Homer Simpson: “D'oh!!!”
Christmas play director: “After ... an all-night dinner.”
Homer Simpson: “Woo-hoo! I'm your Jesus! Me!”

Marge: “This so-called educational DVD may have even stunted the development of the kids who watched it.”
Lisa: “Wait a minute, didn't Bart and I both watch this thing when we were little?”
Marge: “I'm afraid so.”
Lisa: “Well, the obvious question is, why did I turn out so academically superior, while Bart—”
Marge: “While Bart turned out so wonderful in his own way.”
Bart: “That's the way people talk about Ralph! Ralph, whose favorite color is peanut butter”

Milhouse (disguised as Kirk): “Now, I want you to eat a gallon of ice cream in under two minutes.”
Homer Simpson: “But I just did that!”

Marge: “Lisa, your food's getting cold.”
Lisa: “It's raw veggies, they're supposed to be cold.”
Marge: “Well, someone who loves you put melted butter on them! Thank you Mr. Bergstrom, I'll tell Lisa you stopped by.”

Marge: “I think it's time we learned to live with being ostracized.”
Homer Simpson: “Mmmmmmm ...”
Maggie Simpson: “Don't you dare say "ostrich pies"!”

Lisa: “Mom, how could you pay someone to be my friend?”
Marge: “I wouldn't say I paid someone to be your friend. I just gave her money for records and ice cream.”
Homer Simpson: “You gave away ice cream?!!”

Bart: “The truffle's in your room? I thought you'd been selling them.”
Lisa: “Bart, I haven't been selling the truffles. I've been eating them.”
Bart: “Really? Why?”
Lisa: “Vegetarian food is so boring. Pasta, soy. You know what's a bad pizza topping? Broccoli! ”

Ned Flanders: “They've broken every commandment except one.”
Carl: “Hey Lenny, covet some chili fries?”
Lenny: “You bet.”
Ned Flanders: “That's it. The whole shebang.”

Homer Simpson: “If I don't have the remote, I can just get up and change the channel.”
[Homer moans and gasps.]
Homer Simpson: “Wait a minute. I'll do what Flanders does.”
[Homer prays.]
Homer Simpson: “O merciful god, who has blessed mankind with two kinds of clam chowder, please help me find the remote.”

Homer Simpson: “When you have ribeye steak, you must floss it! Oh, that meatloaf tasted great! You must floss it! Now, floss it! Floss it good!”

[Lenny places a box of donuts on the coffee room counter at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.]
Homer Simpson: “Mmmmmm .... doughnuts ...”
[Homer wolfs down a whole box of doughnuts.]
Lenny: “Hey Homer, slow down. You're gonna choke or something.”
Homer Simpson: “Don't tell me how to eat donuts!”
[Homer violently chokes.]

Ralph Wiggum: “The snowflake tastes like fish sticks.”

Doug Blattner: “I'm Doug Blattner, COO of the gaming and resorts devision of Stuffers Italian Foods.”
Marge: “My family loves your microwave lasagna.”
Doug Blattner: “It's not my division, but I'll tell Bill Kelley you said so.”

[Homer walks up to a table at Springfield's Best and Seattle's Worst Coffee, where Candace is sitting with four of her friends.]
Homer Simpson: “I'm going to get 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 scones. Do you guys want anything?”

Homer Simpson: “I never got a trophy when I was a kid, and I turned out just—”
[Homer sucks down an entire tube of cookie dough.]

Homer Simpson: “Lisa honey, are you OK? You barely touched your green disgustos.”
Lisa: “Some nights there isn't enough kale in the world to brighten a girl's mood.”

More quotes from The Simpsons: Simpsons Eating Hot Dogs | Snacking with Simpsons | Drinking with the Simpsons | Lunch with the Simpsons | Eating Out with the Simpsons | Simpsons Eating Candy | Cooking with the Simpsons | Meat the Simpsons | Breakfast with the Simpsons

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