More quotes from The Simpsons: Eating with the Simpsons | Simpsons Eating Hot Dogs | Drinking with the Simpsons | Lunch with the Simpsons | Eating Out with the Simpsons | Simpsons Eating Candy | Cooking with the Simpsons | Meat the Simpsons | Breakfast with the Simpsons
Monty Burns: Let's all go to the lobby. Let's all go to the lobby. Let's all go to the lobby. Get ourselves some snacks.
Homer Simpson: These courtside seats are great. Thanks for the hookup, Wolfy!
Ranier Wolfcastle: I just want my daughter to be happy. Plus, you eat the pretzels I drop on the floor.
Homer Simpson: That I do, sir.
Sideshow Bob: Ahh, Kettle Chips ... the perfect side dish ... for revenge!
[Moe heads off to Swigmore University, leaving Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl in charge of the bar.]
Moe: If anyone wants potato chips or anything fancy, tell them to go to hell.
[Homer runs for cover into the potato chips display when he sees Sideshow Bob (disguised as Krusty) pull out a gun at the Kwik-E-Mart.]
Apu: You can emerge now from my chips. The opportunity to prove yourself a hero is long gone.
[Krusty goes on trial.]
Lawyer: Mr. Simpson, was that you taking that cowardly dive into that display of heavily salted snack treats?
Homer Simpson: Now let's all enjoy the snack table while we still have it. The teamsters said they'd pick it up by 5.
Marge: Yeah, that'll happen.
Homer Simpson: It's beautiful. It's the most awe-inspiring sight I have ever seen. Giver of life, mother of us all ... hey guys, look what I smuggled aboard!
[Homer pulls out a bag of chips.]
Buzz Aldrin: Homer, no!
[Homer opens the bag, and chips go flying in all directions.]
Race Banyon: They'll clog the instruments!
Buzz Aldrin: Careful! They're ruffled.
Ned Flanders: Nachos, Flanders style! That's cucumbers with cottage cheese!
Homer Simpson: Man, you should come over to our place. It's full of valuable worthless crap.
John: Well, if you're inviting me over ...
Homer Simpson: I practically insist! Shall we say five o'clock? The snacking hour?
Marge: Oh yes, and punish Lisa for lying to us.
Homer Simpson: All right, young lady, I want you to march yourself directly to the Kwik-E-Mart and get me some chips and a beer.
[Homer hands Lisa some money.]
Homer Simpson: Get a little something for yourself, sweetheart.
[Homer hands her more money.]
Homer Simpson: Boy, seeing that stomach surgery made me hungry. Marge, we need 5000 cc's of snacks. Stat!
Marge: No snacks! Dinner will be ready in three minutes.
Milhouse: I only stole two sandwiches and a bag of Doritos.
Seymour Skinner: We can buy real periodic tables instead of these promotional ones from Oscar Meyer.
Edna Krabappel: Who can tell me the atomic weight of bolognium?
Martin: Ooh ... delicious?
Edna Krabappel: Correct. I would also accept snacktacular.
Snake: Gloria, you better tell your boyfriend to be a good little hostage.
Julia-Louis Dreyfuss: He's not my boyfriend. Mr. Burns is. Homer just comes along on our dates and carries us to the bedroom.
Snake: You're dating that old trilobite? Gross!
Julia-Louis Dreyfuss: We're in love, snake.
Snake: Don't say that baby. I'm going to win you back if I have to pistol-whip this guy all night.
Homer Simpson: Pistol-whip? Mmmmmm pistol whip ....
[Homer imagines he's eating from a tub of Cool-Whip ... well, pistol-whip.]
[Monty and Smithers walk up to a push-cart that says ''Peanuts $1 per bag'']
Monty Burns: Look Smithers, crackel-berries. Spot me a Federal, will you?
Seymour Skinner: Say what they will about our cafeteria. I ... I still think they're the best tater tots money can buy. Mmmm.
Bart: Mom, can we get a pretzel?
Marge: We've got pretzels at home.
Bart: Not cinnamon.
Marge: I hope you all saved room, because I made your favorite dessert. Store-bought snack cakes. Both kinds!
Bart: We've heard the same story two times now. Who's side are we gonna hear next? The Sea Captain's?
Sea Captain: No, no, I best me on me way. I'll just take some Teddy Grahams for the road.
Homer Simpson: There goes a good friend.
Homer Simpson: Oooo, can I have a brownie?
Marge: They're for after dinner.
Homer Simpson: Ooo, can I have dinner?
Marge: You can't have a brownie, period.
Homer Simpson: Homer wants a brownie. I'm gonna get one.
Marge: No ...
Homer Simpson: Coming in from the left ...
Marge: Stop it.
Homer Simpson: Now he's at the right.
Homer Simpson: He grabs for the reach-around.
[Marge chops off Homer's thumb.]
[Homer sings along as REM performs "The End of the World"]
Homer Simpson: Leonard what's-his-name, Herman Munster motorcade, birthday party Cheetos, pogo sticks and lemonade, you symbiotic stupid jerk, stir-fried Flanders, I am talking about you.
[Homer, wearing his radiation suit, runs into the nuclear plant's cafetorium, where Lenny, Carl and some other workers are on a break.]
Homer Simpson: Run for your lives everyone! This is not a drill!
Lenny: Pffff ... Oh, right, yeah. Then while we're gone, you take our snacks. Just like you took our money.
Carl: You tell him, Lenny!
[Radioactive steam fills the room.]
Lisa: Dad, it's so enlightened of you to take us a WNBA game.
Homer Simpson: Yeah, well nachos are nachos.
Chief Wiggum: What is that noise in the background? Maybe I can isolate it. I know I've heard that noise before. Think Clancy, think. Hail falling on a tin roof? No. That's it! Stove-top popcorn. And it sounds like my favorite brand. Chintzy Pop. ... Eddie! Lou! We're going to the Kwik-E-Mart.
Lou the Cop: You already sent us there twice today.
Chief Wiggum: Nah, that was for snacks. This time, it's not personal.
[Wiggum, Lou and Eddie arrive at the Kwik-E-Mart.]
Chief Wiggum: I need the name of everybody who buys Chintzy Pop Popcorn.
Apu: Chintzy Pop is the worst legal popcorn. Many of the kernels are baby teeth. There are only two idiots cheap enought to buy this crap. You and ...
Kirk Van Houten: Oh, baby! Is there anything better than video poker and Chintzy Pop? Whoa, I'm looking at an inside straight! Ahhh, someday I'll hear the winning music.
Homer Simpson: I need change for a dollar.
Apu: No change without purchase.
Homer Simpson: What's the cheapest thing you've got?
Apu: A 2-oz. bag of chips, $5.99.
Homer Simpson: $5.99, what a ripoff. Someone should shoot you.
Marge: Oh, I was hoping we'd miss the 3 o'clock hold-up. I don't know what to do for dinner now.
Lisa: Maybe we could shop somewhere else. There's a farmstand next door.
[Homer picks up an ear of corn.]
Homer Simpson: Interesting. It's like a corn dog without the dog.
Lisa: Dad, I don't want things to be awful between us. I made you some cookies!
Homer Simpson: I don't think cookies are gonna make me feel better. Oh, crunch, mmmm, oh god, oh mmmm, they're delicious. Oh, so happy! Oh, go, they're ... They're gone.
Homer Simpson: Kids, come back in the house!
Bart: Ahhh, do we have to?
Marge: I melted string cheese over some corn chips!
Lisa: Oh boy!
Homer Simpson: GameBoys and caramel apples!
Homer Simpson: Wake up! The rapture is coming in half an hour! There's no time to waste. Marge, grill a chicken. No, make sandwiches. And some Kettle Chips would be nice. Original, not barbecue!
Homer Simpson: Oh no, 239 pounds! I'm a whale! Why was I cursed with this weakness for snack treats? Well, from now on, exercise every morning, Homer.
Lisa: Listen people. How can you stand there eating snacks and being children when the world's glaciers are vanishing?
Comic Book Guy: Well, well. If it isn't the square in our love triangle.
Seymour Skinner: What are you doing at Edna's place? Where is she?
Comic Book Guy: My beloved is napping blissfully in the many folds of my Spiderman T-shirt. As for myself, I am popping kettle korn.
Comic Book Guy: The female has made her decision. Prepare the feast of Goldfish crackers.
Edna Krabappel: I'm not marrying you either.
Bart: Hey Mom, did you save the love letters Dad sent you?
Marge: Of course I saved them. Although actually there's only one. And it's more a love post card from some brewery he visited.
Homer Simpson: Maybe it's the beer talking Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these big chewy pretzels here that are [unintelligible] Five dollars? Get outta here.
Homer Simpson: Must eat more fat people. They got 'em in America.
voiceover: I like big guts and I cannot lie
Double chins with the chafin' thighs
When a dude walks in with the hanging jowls
My stomach starts to growl — I'm getting hungry
So I masticate, chompin' on the overweight
I eat fat people for days, like potato chips by Lay's,
Try to eat just one but it can't be done, I gotta eat a ton
Baby likes fat
Baby likes fat
Lisa: Dad, I found what you're looking for.
Homer Simpson: A churro you can eat in the shower?
Krusty: My dressing room has regular potato chips. But my contract specifically stated half regular, half ruffled!
Edna Krabappel: It's pretty sad when I can't pick up a guy on Super Nacho Tuesday. Where'd they all go?
Moe: Hey Chief Wiggum, can you help me find my bar rag?
Chief Wiggum: I can't even find my car in the parking lot at the mall. There was half a kilo of heroin and two suspects inside.
[Wiggum goes chasing after his own car as the suspects fire guns out the open windows.]
Chief Wiggum: Can you throw me my house key please? It's got a green thingie on it.
[The car stops and Wiggum jumps in the trunk, then it slams shut.]
Chief Wiggum: Hey, there's some Pringles in here! Nope, tear gas!
Marge: Ned, how did you sleep?
Ned Flanders: Fine I guess. Thanks for loaning me your pajamas, Homer. And Marge, thank you for those helpful chip bag clips.
[Ned stands up, revealing several chip clips along his back to adjust the Homer-size pajamas for Ned's body.]
Lisa: What happened to the ref?
Krusty: He quit. Being a ref is a thankless job. The parents hate you. The only upside is the kids share their snack with you.
[Homer enters break room at Springfield Nuclear Panner Plant]
Homer Simpson: Those aren't our regular donuts! They're huge, with crazy toppings! Gummy worms! Churro chunks! Russian nesting donuts! I gotta eat the rest! [Opens Devil Donuts box to find it's empty.] Waaaah! Where did these Devil Donuts come from?
[Homer gets up from his seat at the end of The Simpsons Movie.]
Homer Simpson: Oooh, floor popcorn!
[Homer approaches Bart, holding a microwave oven and many packets of Krusty Microwaveable Popcorn.]
Homer Simpson: Boy, if anyone needs me, I'll be taking a popcorn bath. It's a thing I read about in a Men's Health magazine in a dream.
[Homer's choking on something, so Moe gives him the Heimlich Maneuver, and a poker chip pops out of his mouth.]
Homer Simpson: Don't try to eat these so-called chips!
Homer Simpson: Mr. Burns, before I leave, I got a few things to get off my chest! One: I like the new microwave in the break room. Just push popcorn, you don't have to know how long. Two: Replacing us with robots is heartless and despicable! Three: How about a farewell party with a caricature artist, you know like something both and kids and adults can enjoy? So to sum up: Nicely done; we hate you; and food for thought.
Seymour Skinner: Off. The. List.
Bart: For what?!
Seymour Skinner: Muddy footprints on the school floor. I've broken 10-year-old's spirit. Time to celebrate with a fruit on the bottom yogurt. Plain. Plain. Plain. Plain. Mmmmm, fruit!
Biff Stiffler: Gary, who humiliated you?
Superintendent Chalmers: Well... (clears throat) my father was a psychologist. He was a big believer in the methods of B.F. Skinner! I had to go through a hamster maze to get to my breakfast. Which way is love, Daddy? Which way is love? [Crying] He made me go through a maze.
Biff Stiffler: Ah. Breakthrough. Just sit down, Gary. Have the free potato chips.
[Itchy chops off Scratchy's head with an ax, flips it over and places it next to a bowl of chips, then fills it with guacamole.]
Homer Simpson: I wish my head was filled with guacamole.
[Homer, hypnotized to think he's 10 years old, shares a bed with Bart.]
Homer Simpson: Today was fun.
Bart: Yeah. Listen Homer, do you ever think about what you want to do when you're grown up?
Homer Simpson: I'll eat in bed. Not just snacks, messy stuff like lasagna. Oh, and the TV would be on. Loud!
Bart: Hey, would you ever want to have a real job and a family?
Homer Simpson: Pffffft! Wife, 3 kids, steady job? If I did, I'd secretly be very sad. You could tell by how much I would eat and drink and just sit on the couch.
Lisa: I just keep thinking about the way Harper cut me off. It's kind of weird.
Homer Simpson: Yeah, that was kind of weird. I'd have said something for sure, but my mouth was full of truffle popcorn.
Lisa: You don't have time to learn anything, but at least you can have a sense of mission. I got these for you. Dead Poet's Society, Stand and Deliver, each one a portrait of a great teacher told by Hollywood, played by stars, each one paid more than a teacher makes in a million lifetimes.
Homer Simpson: I always cry at the end of Goodbye, Mr. Chips. Mr. Chips is my name for my Fritos!
Homer Simpson: Left alone again! Guess I'm eating provolone again! Food just tastes better in the bathroom now and then. I just love being left alone again! Left alone for days. I ate two dozen bags of Frito-Lays. [Actually pictured as Fritos.] I'm gonna brush my teeth with mayonnaise! Now my sweat tastes just like doughnut glaze!