Disappointed by Valentine's Day candy

The candy industry isn't even trying

By Melissa Shaw
Senior Reviews Editor


The candy industry — no slouches, they. No doubt noticing how the variety and number of Easter candy options have exploded over the past few years, candy companies are jumping on the "Buy Me" bandwagon and marketing a whole load o' Valentine's Day candy. A trip to our local drugstore found two full aisles of nothing but Valentine's Day candy and gifts — mostly candy. (Note: We're excluding boxes of candy from this analysis. Keep on keepin' on, you good people at Whitman's, Russell Stover, et al. You've been doing this forever and are traditionally associated with romance.)

It used to be the only Valentine's Day candy was those nasty sugar hearts from Necco with sayings on them, which if now given to coworkers could result in a sexual harassment suit. (And in that vein, Necco seems to be known for two things: Those nasty Necco wafers and those candy hearts. And yet no one ever uttered the phrase, "Man, I could go for a Necco wafer right now!" Go figure.)

But the candymen (and candyladies) aren't trying all that hard. They seem to have two approaches: They just take their bread-and-butter candy, like a Snickers, and shape it into a heart. Voila, it's a Valentine's Day Snickers. 79 cents, please — and you get less Snickers for your money. Or, they change the primary colors to red and white and leave the shape alone — hello Valentine's Day M&Ms and Nerds Rope. Valentine's Nerds Rope? Yes, indeedy.

What's next: Arbor Day M&Ms? Lincoln's Birthday Rollos?

We here at Taquitos.net feel that candy should only be associated with holidays that provide something in which to hold them — like a plastic Jack-o-Lantern, a Christmas stocking or an Easter basket. There's no proper recepticle for Valentine's Day candy, unless you used a ... um, forget it. There is no proper recepticle for Valentine's Day candy.

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