By Steve Ulfelder
More about Pringles: Confessions of a Pringles Lover
See also: Pringles Flavors: The Complete GuideThere is, of course, an art to eating Pringles. Some tips:
Pringles do not share well. That's because
Reason: If you slip up and do so, you will be presented with incontrovertible evidence that a Pringles can holds a boatload of junk food that can probably kill you right there on your Barcalounger and will, at the very least, cause you to hate yourself the minute you finish the can. For similar reasons
Usually, I achieve this by simply wrapping my fist around the tube at label level. But if I'm watching a particularly boring NASCAR race and suspect my eyes may wander, I'm not above slapping a piece of duct tape over the label (note that masking tape is translucent and will not suffice). When you're two-thirds of the way through a can of Pringles and still snacking hard, reading the Nutrition Facts may cause you to kill yourself rather than walk around for a day or two with such a toxic cocktail in your system.
According to that mocking label, a full can of Pringles (and you will eat the entire can, oh yes you will) contains a treadmill-busting 1120 calories, a robust 630 of which come from the 77 grams of fat in each tube. As for sodium, there are 1190 milligrams to a can. As you read these facts, convinced you can hear your heart racing and feel your arteries sludging up like a port-a-john on the last day of the state fair, your eye falls on this blithe statement at the bottom of the label: "Not a significant source of sugars, vitamin A, calcium, and iron." Thanks a million, Procter & Gamble. Couldn't you have stuffed a few vitamins in there as a sop?
Here I advocate discipline: Do not double up more than once every seven or eight crisps. Higher frequency reeks of desperation. If you find yourself doubling up (or, God forbid, tripling up) as you near the bottom of the tube, you lack discipline and should probably check yourself into a psychiatric hospital pronto. Remember: Snack on the crisps; don't let the crisps snack on you.